Today was the day- surgery day. It came upon me so fast. I spent the couple of weeks in a whirlwind of activity. I was trying to plan all that I could plan. I made food that freezable, made individual jars of yogurt, set up my room for easy access of things I might need, went for wig fitting, made a chemo bag, made a multitude of calls to look into resources, support groups, bought bras and clothing that would be easy on and off. This was clearly fueled by my desire to control what I could control since so much of cancer is out of my control.
Check in at 7 am, felt surreal. Answering question after question that were about me but I seemed to respond as if it was someone other than me. I then went in to prep for the operation. The first part is to wipe myself down with chlorohexidine wipes. These are antiseptic wipes that will help decrease the chance of bacterial infection during the operation. It is important to note that if you shave the day of surgery, the cholorhexidine will sting the shaved skin. It really really stings. After the wipe down and stinging, I put on a gown and having my IV started I waited for the next steps. I was wheeled down eery white long corridors lined by white doors. It was like a scene from the Matrix waiting for the Architect to offer me two heinous choices .
Marking the Tumor
The tumor must be marked for the surgeon to easily find it. If it is hard to feel then ultrasound may be used to find it. This is done either by marking with a felt tip marker on the skin to show where the tumor is or by inserting a flexible wire. This insertion of wire is guided by ultrasound. Mine was by flexible wire. The wire has a needle attached to help with the insertion which is then removed once placed. The area of the insertion will be anesthetized with a local anesthesia such as lidocaine. I tired to not look but couldn’t resist once the wire was placed. I looked down and saw a very flexible wire wobbling about 5-6 inches out of my breast. Looking almost like an antenna of a large bug (yes, still with the Matrix images swirling in my head). Once inserted a “gentle” mammogram was taken for placement. I am not sure why they say gentle when the mashing of your breast between two large paddles is anything but gentle. Perhaps they should instead say “less brutal” mammogram. With the less brutal squeezing done I was wheeled to another very white room. A very pleasant looking woman comes in to start off with a warning, ” this is going to be very painful”.
The sentinel node dye
Prior to surgery a dye will be placed to see lymph node involvement. The sentinel nodes (the first 2- 3 lymph nodes) will take up the dye for the surgeon to see to remove them. The sentinel node biopsy starts with four injections near the nipple with dye. She tells me it is very painful since the dye will go between the skin layers. I can only think, “why didn’t anyone tell me before it was going to be painful? Why is this the first I am hearing about this”. I braced for the worse. First one was a prick, second another prick, third and forth the same. NO PAIN! Many may feel pain. Just be ready. I am just grateful that mine wasn’t. More waiting. Then wheeled back to through the white corridor of doom back to my room wear my husband was there waiting for me. So good to see him. I finally felt I could take a breath.
The surgery:
My surgery was bumped up and I was able to start an hour and a half early. Which meant a group of doctors nurses and techs descended upon me to ask question after question again while a sedative was injected into my IV. I remember saying goodbye to my husband and the large curtain drawn open and my nurse say, “ready?” And everything went blank.
I woke up to hearing my name in a haze and then seeing my surgeon calling me. I was back in my room surrounded again by a gaggle of medical staff smiling at me. I was wearing a 70’s style tube top. Still unsure I wasn’t in a bad dream, I turned to see my husband smiling also and I knew the world was ok.
Now comes the next step of healing.