Category: Health and Wellness

Turning the corner: the bucket list

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Post op day 10

Today, I woke up and noticed a change- my body felt like my body. For the past 10 days I have been having pain, decreased range of motion, inability to pick up objects 1 pound or more, and a feeling of heaviness. The feeling of heaviness has bothered me the most. I have arthritis and all the other things come when my arthritis is acting up. However, the feeling of heaviness has disturbed me the most. It comes from my port. I can feel the weight of it. It presses against me and was noticeable with every breath I took. Today, it wasn’t that ever present foreign invader but a part of me. I didn’t have to think about each movement I made, whether it was turning my head or raising my arm or simply just breathing.

The course of cancer is filled with bumps, hills, and mountains. It is nice to have a moment where the path is smoother. I don’t know how many smoother days I will have, but I want to make sure I have a way to make the most of it. I decided to make a list of things that I really want to get done when I feel good- a cancer bucket list if you will. For me, I believe that it will help me feel energized. The buckle list could include anything from projects to work on, cleaning and organizing, seeing family and friends, or just taking a moment to enjoy the day. One of my things on my bucket list and in fact the first thing I decided I wanted to do, was to eat my favorite foods before chemo started. I wanted to make sure that I could enjoy the meal to the fullest in case chemo changed my ability to taste food. Today I am going for chilaquiles and for Chinese barbecue – not at the same time of course- but my day will be filled with good food and plenty of outside time. The other thing I will do today is fill out the rest of my bucket list. Just the thought of that has reinvigorated me. It is amazing something so simple can be so empowering. Empowerment is all too fleeting and I am going to take it when I can since I don’t know what is around the next corner.

Good Enough

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Post op day 9

The realization of the change in my ability will be an on going struggle. I have written before about this struggle. Today it is rearing its head again. I slept most of last week. I have finally woken up and looked around and saw all the things that needed to be done. How do I tackle everything that needs to be done? Where do I start? What will I be able to do when my chemo starts? All of these questions plague me. I am sure this overwhelming feeling will occur time and time again in the future. It is time to take a deep breath and reevaluate my goals. This struggle reminds me of the words from a theorist, Winnicott. Dr. Donald Winnicott was a pediatrician and psychoanalyst who studied children’s relationship with their mother. He saw that imperfections with the mother benefited their children more than when mothers were perfect. He writes:

“A mother is neither good nor bad nor the product of illusion, but is a separate independent entity; the Good-enough mother… starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant’s growing ability to deal with her failure. Her failure to adapt to every need of the child helps them adapt to external realities.”

The concept of good enough is a powerful concept that speaks to the drive for perfection and it is not necessarily the healthiest drive. Our imperfections and failures can do more for us to grow and become stronger than restricting ourselves to be perfect. Sometimes in the midst of challenges or tragedy we must take a step back and allow ourselves to strive to be good enough. This is not to say that we shouldn’t try to be the best we can, but our perspective of who we are may be better accessed by the strive to be good enough and accept our failings as a moment of learning. It is through my failings now that I have been able to allow for the support and care from my family and friends. It is through my inability to be who I was before that I have grown closer to my loved ones. It is through my mistakes that I have learned to appreciate other aspects of my self. I have started writing, a skill that I felt was rudimentary at best. Everyday I write medical evaluations, progress notes, and letters. I have always thought that my words were clunky and my grammar unsophisticated. However, now that I write about my experience, I feel a different part of me is developing. I find I like this new me that is emerging. I started writing this blog because I couldn’t do much. I am fatigued and achy. I cannot pick things up, dress my self, cook or do most things as I used to do. But I can sit and read and write. I would never have started this website if I hadn’t failed at being who I used to be.

In this time, that change is inevitable, and failure is part of the picture, finding that good enough self may go a long way towards finding your new self- a self that you might really like.

Independence

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Post op day 5

After sleeping for 4 days straight, I can no longer sleep. I am up before the rest of the family is up. I decided to make myself a cup of coffee and eat some yogurt- things that I had already set up to be able to do without anyone’s help. It really gives me a spark of hope when I can do things on my own. I tend to be a very independent person. Like many women I take care of a multitude of things at the same time- my household, my child, my husband, my work, etc. I had worked years without a medical assistant and when my hospital told me I had to have one I didn’t know what to do with her. She is great and found a way to make my work day better and really has added to helping support my patients. It took her a while to crack my independent, I don’t need help shell but she did and I am grateful for that. One of the things that I was most concerned about when I got my diagnosis was that I would have to rely on others. I would lose some of my self. It is a very daunting task for me to give up a part of me I am so comfortable with- a part that I am so proud of. My desire for independence needed to balance with my change in life and the need to let others do for me. One of my friends so aptly pointed out that I should allow others to do for me what I do for them that in this way I would in fact be helping them. Odd but true.

So what can I do? What can anyone do? Part of my own search for balance has to do with my understanding why I strive so much to be independent. What does that mean for me? Growing up, I was not very independent. I was very spacey and needed much help. I would get lost going to the bathroom. My parents tried desperately to teach me to be independent. I knew how to cook, clean, sew, knit, crochet, change my oil, change a tire, rewire a lamp, patch walls, repair a multitude of things in the home, but I still relied on others. My freshman year of college was an eye opening experience for me. I realized one day that I knew how to do many things but really couldn’t do them without someone telling me what to do. For all of my knowledge, I felt helpless and powerless. Independence to me meant not only growing up but it also meant empowerment. I strove to find my independence and by the time I graduated medical school, I decided I needed to really spread my wings more and I moved to California for my residency. Living in California was great. It helped to really form who I am today. But now I need to find a way to still feel empowered but be able to get help. That for me is a tall order. It has been over thirty years since that fateful day in college. Thirty years of being a strong independent go getting woman. Thirty years is a long time.

These are some of the things that I feel I must do to find my balance.
1. Find simple things I can still do for myself. Such as the feeding of myself with my yogurt that I have made or set up stations that are accessible for me like my coffee station or a place that fruit and nuts are that I can just pick up. I have clothing that is easy for me to put on and take off without much arm movement (still can’t raise my arms well).
2. Find new outlets to still feel good about what I do. This blog and website is a good example. Much of my identity is wrapped up in helping others and teaching others. Even though I cannot go to work right now, I can write and feel by sharing my story, I could be helping others as well as packing my site with information.
3. Understand that the support people wish to give me is due to love and not my own weakness. My friend is right. I have done much for others and rarely let others do for me. My letting them do is really good for them. I am still struggling with this concept but she is right.
4. Identify things that I feel I can give up to do for myself. Delegating is a skill I needed to learn at work, I can learn it in my personal life too. Starting small and working my way up to bigger things. This is clearly a work in progress.
5. Most of all I need to let go and not worry about theses changes in my life. I need to let my life evolve and learn from it along the way.

I am sure this will be a struggle that I will constantly be in throughout my treatment and beyond. It is a natural part of growing old. I always found it ironic how we do everything for our children as they grow up and one day they must take care of us. I see it time and time again with my elderly family members, friends, and patients. It is hard to give up independence.  But by giving up some of my independence, I am allowing others to show me their love.  Love is a very good thing.

GI distress post surgery

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Post op day 4

I have been progressively improving. Today I am not as fatigued as yesterday and I hope that continues. Pain is completely manageable without pain medication. I have been off the narcotic analgesic since post op day 1. I was on Norco (codeine plus Tylenol). However, my GI tract is very unhappy. I have continued rumbling and a mix between diarrhea and constipation. It really sucks to have both. GI distress is a common side effect post surgery. The more significant the surgery and the longer you needed to be under anesthesia the worse it can be. It is recommended that immediately after surgery you start out with light meals such as clear liquids and broth. You might be able to then move to a soft bland meal and progress from there. Often it is recommend to follow the BRAT ( banana, rice, apple, toast) diet the first day. If you can tolerate that well then you can expand your diet.

However, even with careful adjustment of your diet you can experience GI distress. This can happen due to a few reasons. Anesthesia can cause decreased motility (movement of your GI tract) which will can cause constipation. In addition the opioid medications used for pain control can cause constipation. It may help to try to decrease use of the opioid pain medications as soon as possible and switch to non opioid pain medication such as plain acetaminophen (generic Tylenol) or Ibuprofen (generic Advil or Motrin). You should still avoid aspirin.

Things you can do:
1. Try to get up and move. Movement helps increase GI motility.
2. Drink plenty of fluids: water helps with softening the stools
3. Limit medications that can cause constipation (opioid pain medications, scopolamine for example)
4. Limit caffeine intake or other stimulants
5. Don’t smoke

There are also some herbal remedies that may be helpful. I must qualify that I am not formally trained in herbalism or botanical medicine. I have over the years needed to learn about herbs and food to help many of my patients. I have many patients that have food sensitivities, limited food intake, or do poorly with medication and need other options. Refer to reference section for the list of books and resources I have used in the past.

Here is a brief description of some supplements/herbs you might try. It is important to clear any use of supplements with your doctor. Some of them can interact with medications you might be taking or are anticoagulants. Some of them are not recommended to take while pregnant. Also, some with interact with your chemotherapy. For a more complete description of each refer to the Supplements/herb page. There you will also find some recipes as well as how to use the supplement.

Fatigue

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Post op day 3

Today I am fatigued. I am completely and utterly fatigued. So much so that I have basically slept the day away. It is disheartening since yesterday I started off really well. I had my momentary small crisis but felt really energized after that in the morning and then progressively became more tired. Today, I can barely do more than eat. I have been up for about 3 hours total- about 1 hour for each meal I have eaten. It is 9 pm and I am finally writing because I slept most of the day. I had plans- many plans, but I had to readjust my thinking and realize my body needs to heal. I should allow it to heal.

Fatigue is a common symptoms post surgery. About 30% of people will be fatigued from just the anesthesia for a few days up to a few weeks. Unfortunately, the older we are the longer it might take for the anesthesia to fully get out of our system. Fatigue should be looked at in progressive chunks and not from a day to day progression. If you are less fatigued one day does not mean you will necessarily be even less fatigued the following day and you might be even more fatigued the following day. It is over the course of the week to evaluate whether you are overall less fatigued. If your fatigue is worsening over the weeks then talk to your doctor. There are a few things that can make your fatigue worse such as anemia or infection.

To help your fatigue, make sure you are eating well and drinking plenty of fluids. Some doctors recommend vitamins, but talk to your doctor first. Also make sure you get plenty of rest. If you need to go back to work but remain overly fatigued, then talk to your doctor about other treatments to help increase your energy and awareness. Some doctors will prescribe a stimulant medication but it depends on your circumstances and your doctor.

Setbacks

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Post op day 2.

This morning I woke up in pain. After minimal pain post op day1, I immediately went there- I am worse! I needed to collect my thoughts and I went and examined my wound site where the pain was. The pain was coming from my port. It has been red and I was monitoring it. I rushed to see the area and saw with much relief that it is less red but had a large bruise surrounding it. This is a normal part of healing. Nothing wrong. I let my breath out and sighed. I began to wonder though about set backs that women will go through. I thought about what would I say to my patient that had a set back with treatment. Setbacks can be both emotional and physical (medical). They are normal and it would be unusual if you never had a setback. It is important to recognize that and find ways to help yourself during a setback.

Here are some steps that might be helpful:

1. Understand the course of healing. Remember, sometimes perceived setbacks are part of normal healing. In my case, my increased pain came from my bruising and some amount of swelling. I had not been feeling as much pain and had stopped using pain meds and stopped the cold compress on post op day 1. Along with bruising is swelling of the site. Bruising and swelling should peak around 3-4 days. I was day 2, so increased swelling meant increased pain. My site is not more red nor is it hot. I am ok. I took some Tylenol and got some coffee.

2. Know when to call your doctor
Your doctor should give you an information sheet about what to look for and when to call. In general the guidelines post op are
a. Call your doctor for temperatures 101  degrees F or more. There is sometimes a slight low grade fever post surgery.
b. If you have increased redness that is spreading and hot
c. If you have new redness around the incision or there is pus coming from the wound or drain
d. Bleeding at the wound site
e. Swelling in your arm or hand that is worsening. Small amount of swelling is normal for up to one month post surgery and can be relieved with elevation of arm.
f. Increased pain not controlled by pain medications
g. Increased drainage from surgical drain (greater than 240 cc or 8 oz in 24 hours)
h. Misc problems such as shortness of breath, cough, dizziness

3. Eat healthy: it is important to continue to eat well. Make sure you are getting a well balanced meal. With decreased appetite multiple smaller healthy snacks may be easier than eating larger meals. You can check out my up coming wellness section for ideas.

4. Drink plenty of fluids. Being well hydrated can help with body functions. If you have had GI problems or any nausea or vomiting ,  replenishing fluids is the utmost importance. The new standard recommendations are to drink to your thirst meaning that you drink if you are thirsty. However, the exceptions are if you are immunocompromised, elderly, living in the desert area or undergoing chemotherapy you should drink 8 glasses of water a day.

5. Have a plan: Make sure you know who you can call if you have a medical or emotional setback. What are the emergency numbers? What are your doctor’s hours and who do you contact on off hours? Who can you call just to talk? Or do you feel better writing or going to a forum? Should you have wellness checks? Schedule someone to check in on you while you are going through treatment.

6. Make small goals. Often times when we don’t feel well, we cannot accomplish things we would like to do. This can negatively impact how we feel. Have some things preset up that can be goals you are happy with. For instance, I had premade individual yogurt servings (recipe in wellness section) and was able to feed myself. I didn’t have to depend on my husband and daughter for everything the first few days post surgery. That was a good goal for me and helped my mood. Find goals that are doable and set them up a head of time to make them possible

7. Use relaxation techniques such as muscle relaxation techniques or imagery.

8. Consider counseling, therapy, or support groups. You do not have to have clinical depression to go to therapy of any kind. Sometimes therapy can help prevent us from become clinically depressed. If you feel you are clinically depressed then please seek help. There are multiple support groups as well as places to get individual therapy. Resources such as the American Cancer Society can connect you with a local group. You can call your church and ask them about counseling services. You can also find local mental health services by calling a hospital near you that has mental health department. The intake for the hospital programs can also give you referrals to other community mental health centers. Therapy can be either supportive therapy (you talk to people for support and listening), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Insight oriented therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps to look at our automatic negative thoughts (thoughts that come up automatically when something goes wrong) and helps to change them to be more positive instead. Insight oriented therapy looks at reasons of why your response is causing your mood symptoms and finds ways to change your patterns.

Surgery Day

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Today was the day- surgery day. It came upon me so fast. I spent the couple of weeks in a whirlwind of activity. I was trying to plan all that I could plan. I made food that freezable, made individual jars of yogurt, set up my room for easy access of things I might need, went for wig fitting, made a chemo bag, made a multitude of calls to look into resources, support groups, bought bras and clothing that would be easy on and off. This was clearly fueled by my desire to control what I could control since so much of cancer is out of my control.

Check in at 7 am, felt surreal. Answering question after question that were about me but I seemed to respond as if it was someone other than me. I then went in to prep for the operation. The first part is to wipe myself down with chlorohexidine wipes. These are antiseptic wipes that will help decrease the chance of bacterial infection during the operation. It is important to note that if you shave the day of surgery, the cholorhexidine will sting the shaved skin. It really really stings. After the wipe down and stinging, I put on a gown and having my IV started I waited for the next steps. I was wheeled down eery white long corridors lined by white doors. It was like a scene from the Matrix waiting for the Architect to offer me two heinous choices .

Marking the Tumor

The tumor must be marked for the surgeon to easily find it. If it is hard to feel then ultrasound may be used to find it. This is done either by  marking with a felt tip marker on the skin to show where the tumor is or by  inserting a flexible wire.  This insertion of wire is guided by ultrasound. Mine was by flexible wire. The wire has a needle attached to help with the insertion which is then removed once placed. The area of the insertion will be anesthetized with a local anesthesia such as lidocaine. I tired to not look but couldn’t resist once the wire was placed. I looked down and saw a very flexible wire wobbling about 5-6 inches out of my breast. Looking almost like an antenna of a large bug (yes, still with the Matrix images swirling in my head). Once inserted a “gentle” mammogram was taken for placement. I am not sure why they say gentle when the mashing of your breast between two large paddles is anything but gentle. Perhaps they should instead say “less brutal” mammogram. With the less brutal squeezing done I was wheeled to another very white room. A very pleasant looking woman comes in to start off with a warning, ” this is going to be very painful”.

The sentinel node dye

Prior to surgery a dye will be placed to see lymph node involvement. The sentinel nodes (the first 2- 3 lymph nodes) will take up the dye for the surgeon to see to remove them. The sentinel node biopsy starts with four injections near the nipple with dye. She tells me it is very painful since the dye will go between the skin layers. I can only think, “why didn’t anyone tell me before it was going to be painful? Why is this the first I am hearing about this”. I braced for the worse. First one was a prick, second another prick, third and forth the same. NO PAIN! Many may feel pain. Just be ready. I am just grateful that mine wasn’t. More waiting. Then wheeled back to through the white corridor of doom back to my room wear my husband was there waiting for me. So good to see him. I finally felt I could take a breath.

The surgery:

My surgery was bumped up and I was able to start an hour and a half early. Which meant a group of doctors nurses and techs descended upon me to ask question after question again while a sedative was injected into my IV. I remember saying goodbye to my husband and the large curtain drawn open and my nurse say, “ready?” And everything went blank.

I woke up to hearing my name in a haze and then seeing my surgeon calling me. I was back in my room surrounded again by a gaggle of medical staff smiling at me. I was wearing a 70’s style tube top. Still unsure I wasn’t in a bad dream, I turned to see my husband smiling also and I knew the world was ok.

Now comes the next step of healing.

My Diagnosis

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I am diagnosed with Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, stage 1, grade 2 triple positive. I say this now as if it is my name, “Hi, I am infiltrating ductal carcinoma stage1, grade 2, triple positive. What’s your name?” I feel marked by this and forever changed. It started quite innocently with a screening mammogram. I am among the women who know I should get a screening mammogram but just keep putting it off. I take care of my family, my patients, everyone else first and leave this screening stuff for another day. I became fearful of the demise of the Affordable Care Act (ACA). Currently, under the ACA preventative care such as screening mammograms are free and do not need a referral from your physician. I thought I needed to get my free mammogram done now before the option was gone. Screening mammogram done without another thought.

The thickening

Two weeks after I get a call from the nurse coordinator. There was a “thickening” found on my mammogram. A “thickening” for peri menopausal women is usually nothing. It is not uncommon for women to have changes in their tissue that is completely benign. The thought of cancer still not registering in my brain. The radiologist was going to compare it to my previous mammogram I had few years before. I knew my previous mammogram was perfectly normal. So the call a few weeks later for a diagnostic mammogram and biopsy was no surprise.

The biopsy

The biopsy day came without much fan fare. My head was still in the place of ” I am old, this is normal “. I nonchalantly changed to the gown and was ready for my boob smashing diagnostic mammogram then to be escorted to the ultrasound room for the biopsy. The tech at the ultra sound room described the prep with first finding the suspicious area then marking it and then prepping with iodine. The radiologist would then come in and do the biopsy. She described the biopsy to make loud noise each time a sample is taken but I would have local anesthesia and shouldn’t feel pain. Ok, no biggy- find, mark , clean, numb, click click biopsy done. The sound of the biopsy instrument is actually really loud. Not so much a click but more of a bang. It is more of an ominous sound. With each bang, the realization of what I was doing hit me with each progressive bang: bang, bang bang, bang bang bang. 12 bangs in all. During this time I decided to take a peak at the ultrasound image as the doctor took the biopsy. On the screen I saw it – the thickening. The thickening was more of a mass. A mass that was clearly very suspicious for cancer and not just normal breast tissue change. I knew what I didn’t want to know. I knew I had cancer. I tried to push the thought away to patiently wait for the actual diagnosis but it loomed over me like a suffocating dark presence that I couldn’t see but only feel.

The call

A week later I got the call. I was at work while I was sitting in my office with my team. I run a clinic one day a week with a team of other specialists. I saw the number come up on my phone and I froze. I knew who was calling. I trembled as I picked up the phone, trying to sound professional and casual in front of my team as if this was an everyday call that doctors get. My voice did not betray me but my body did. My knees wobbled as I heard the nurse on the other end, “Doctor it is positive” As I write this, a shiver comes through me still. The words echoing in my head- it is positive. Just as she was saying this my primary care doctor (PMD) texted me that the results were back and positive. Confirmed by the written text- I had cancer. Cancer was never something I ever thought would be associated with me. Cancer was something I helped others deal with. Cancer was not something I would have to deal with. But I do have cancer and I didn’t know what to do. I was lost. Then the next text came from my PMD saying to come see her and we would work this out.

The choice

Deciding on who is going to treat your cancer is a very personal one. So much stress comes from the diagnosis and it is important to feel safe and cared for by your team. My internist recommend her breast guy and my ob/gyn recommended my his mother’s breast guy. But in the end I decided to go with the female surgeon at my hospital. There were a couple of reasons I chose to go with a different doctor than who my internist and my ob/gyn recommended. First she is a female. I felt more comfortable with a female. She was younger than the male doctors but she had on her hospital description oncoplastic reconstruction (reconstruction for cancer patients) and the others did not. Also she was in the brand new building next to my building which made it very easy to get to appointments. And finally, I wanted a female who would understand the importance of the breast in the way a female did and not a male since the relationship with the breast is different with males and females. In medical school I did a rotation doing breast augmentation and reconstruction surgery. The male surgeon was horrendous with his attitude to his patients. The misogyny was pronounced. While I am sure he was an outlier and not representative of male surgeons who do breast surgery, it still stuck with me and influenced my decision.

The team

I met with my team shortly after the diagnosis. It consisted of my surgeon, my radiation oncologist, my oncologist, my breast coordinator, and some lanky resident. My breast coordinator asked if I wanted to see all the doctors at once for the exam or one by one. I decided to go with them all at once. So the team lined up in front of me like a firing squad each one taking their turn in asking questions. Then came the exam. My gown was opened and each one stood in line to mash my breast for the exam. Weird and surreal is all I can say. One by one mashing my breast and turning to the others saying, “no it is not palpable “. I eyed the resident and gave him the look that there was no way he was getting in line. He stepped back.

I got dressed and was escorted to a room for the consultations. First my surgeon came in. She discussed the ins and outs of the surgery. My tumor was small and hadn’t spread to the nodes. I was a good candidate for a lumpectomy and then she showed me the BioZorb implant that would be for my reconstruction at the time of the lumpectomy. The BioZorb would be fitted in the area that the breast tissue would be removed. It comes in multiple sizes to fill in the hole. The BioZorb also has titanium markers on it for the radiation oncologist to be able to accurately target the radiation treatment. Totally cool. I would leave surgery with an intact breast looking similar to before. Love that!!!

Next came the radiation oncologist. He talked about the treatments, blah blah, my mind went numb after he said “5 days a week for ….” Radiation is usually recommended for women with lumpectomy it cuts the reoccurrence rate down drastically. There are some reasons that radiation cannot be done and that will be discussed in the treatment section.

Finally, my oncologist came in. I knew I had estrogen and progesterone positive markers. This means that there are receptors on my cancer cells that are for estrogen and progesterone. This helps in having a treatment that can target my cancer cells. Tamoxifen is the treatment of choice for premenopausal women. It is a pill that you take for 5- 10 years depending on your oncologists recommendation. Side effects are similar to menopause. I was ready to discuss that and be done. Prognosis according to the cancer society is now at 100% recovery 5 and 10 years out. However, I discovered I am also Her2 positive. Her2 is a biomarker on cancer cells that doesn’t have as good of a prognosis. The cells with Her2 are more aggressive. The good news is it can be targeted with chemotherapy but the bad news is it is more aggressive. The news stunned me. I had read the report and some how missed that. She went over the chemotherapy protocol. All I heard was hair loss. Hair loss!!! Now my cancer took on a face I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be reminded daily of my cancer. I wanted a simple snip snip some radiation and a pill for several years not the go in for nausea producing, hair losing kind of treatment. I am still in shock. My chemo starts in May. Time will tell how I handle this. My name is Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma stage 1, grade 2, triple positive. I look forward to the day that my name will be Survivor.

Pink My New Best Friend

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Pink- I must confess was never a color I cared that much for. I grew up a semi Tomboy, as much of a Tomboy that I could be with my Mexican mother dressing me in overly frilly dresses. I loved to play with my brother and his friends, digging in the mud, climbing trees, and playing shooting war games. Pink was not on my radar. I was one of those mothers that was anti pink for my daughter when she was a baby. Trying hard to steer her away from the stereotype of pink for girls and blue for boys. It was my daughter that taught me my first lesson in pink when she chose to have a pink pepto bismol colored bedroom. Sometimes pink is a choice and not a stereotype.

I have recently discovered the symbolism of color. Hillary Clinton’s wearing white for signifying women’s suffrage, red on politians for power. And now I have found power in pink. I was recently, diagnosed with breast cancer. A diagnosis that completely took me by surprise. It was caught on a screening mammogram and not palpable – even after I knew exactly where the tumor was. As I struggled to make sense of my soon to be new world I became drawn to the color of pink. Pink from the woman’s march, pink for the breast cancer color. I began one morning of particular despair chanting “Pink power pink power” and found strength in that chant. I realized the power of pink. This is my journey with breast cancer. It is just beginning. Surgery is my first hurdle. I have decided to use my new found power to create this website. I will be filling it with information I know and also that I discover. Hopefully, my words and information here can help ease the path for others. My prognosis is good but my journey is long. I feel I am already a little stronger with the power of pink- my new best friend.