Post op day 10
Today, I woke up and noticed a change- my body felt like my body. For the past 10 days I have been having pain, decreased range of motion, inability to pick up objects 1 pound or more, and a feeling of heaviness. The feeling of heaviness has bothered me the most. I have arthritis and all the other things come when my arthritis is acting up. However, the feeling of heaviness has disturbed me the most. It comes from my port. I can feel the weight of it. It presses against me and was noticeable with every breath I took. Today, it wasn’t that ever present foreign invader but a part of me. I didn’t have to think about each movement I made, whether it was turning my head or raising my arm or simply just breathing.
The course of cancer is filled with bumps, hills, and mountains. It is nice to have a moment where the path is smoother. I don’t know how many smoother days I will have, but I want to make sure I have a way to make the most of it. I decided to make a list of things that I really want to get done when I feel good- a cancer bucket list if you will. For me, I believe that it will help me feel energized. The buckle list could include anything from projects to work on, cleaning and organizing, seeing family and friends, or just taking a moment to enjoy the day. One of my things on my bucket list and in fact the first thing I decided I wanted to do, was to eat my favorite foods before chemo started. I wanted to make sure that I could enjoy the meal to the fullest in case chemo changed my ability to taste food. Today I am going for chilaquiles and for Chinese barbecue – not at the same time of course- but my day will be filled with good food and plenty of outside time. The other thing I will do today is fill out the rest of my bucket list. Just the thought of that has reinvigorated me. It is amazing something so simple can be so empowering. Empowerment is all too fleeting and I am going to take it when I can since I don’t know what is around the next corner.